Life Moves On

I biffed it in the car yesterday. How very stupid of me. I luckily, didn't get a ticket. I was not paying attention like I should have. I signaled to change lanes and the guy driving in my blind spot decided to speed up. I lost the sideview mirror and so did he. Thank goodness nothing else was messed up. I clearly can't be trusted out on the roads right now.
I've been sick all week and just wanted out of the house for a bit. I'm feeling better but of course not super good. Lost my voice again. It's been gone all week long. I sound like such a dweeb.
TK's daughter Sarah is coming to visit this week. That should be fun. I hope she doesn't expect too much entertaining. Not sure I'm up to that yet. She's been here enough to know most of the sights and how to get around the city. Plus she has her cousins and Uncle C here too so she should have fun. I know TK is worried about me.
Frankly I'm a bit worried too.
Three weeks since he left, still not sure what I want to do with my life or if I can do anything. The Chron's is acting up really bad. another reason I haven't been out of the house. it's been so very cold that none of the snow has melted.
I went by the grave on Wenesday and bawled. There is nothing there but a stick. all the flowers have been removed and I expected that but I didn't expect to not even see a mound. With all the snow there is no sign the ground was even disturbed. I miss him so much. I still haven't taken down his Angels Tree. I haven't moved his clothes or his stuff or anything. I'm so lucky to have had him with me as long as I did and I was in such denial telling myself I was ready for him too leave. What a crock!!
How can anyone be ready to loose their Best Friend?!? I keep going over and over that last night, wondering if I hadn't given in and gotten the sleeping pill for him....... would he still be here with me now? Did I kill him? I know how I teased about it, but what if I really did do it? Going a bit more than crazy.