This Song

Been listening to this song so much lately.
I read a long time ago that "Singing is like Praying twice"  This is the answer to the prayer.

Hold On by Michael McLean


The message of this moment is so clear

And as certain as the rising of the sun
When your world is filled with darkness, doubt or fear
Just hold on, hold on
The light will come

Everyone who’s ever tried and failed
Stands much taller when the victory’s won
And those who’ve been in darkness for awhile
Kneel much longer when
The light has come

It’s a message everyone of us must learn
That the answers never come without a fight
And when it seems you’ve struggled far too long
Just hold on, hold on
There will be light

Hold on, hold on, the light will come
Hold on, hold on, the light will come

If you feel trapped inside a never ending night
If you’ve forgotten how it feels to feel the light
If you’re half crazy thinking you’re the only one
Who’s afraid the light will never really come
Just hold on, hold on the light will come

The message of this moment is so clear
And as certain as the rising of the sun
When your world is filled with darkness, doubt or fear
Just hold on, hold on the light will come

Another Tough Day

I keep telling myself it's okay to feel like you are feeling. Sometimes you just need to allow yourself to feel sad without feeling guilty about it. So I'll call my mom and my MIL to wish them a Happy Mother's Day then I plan on wallowing in self pity for pretty much the rest of the day.
Just like I've done every Mother's Day since 1980.
I do really well the other 364 days of the year but this is the day that I deal with the disappointment, pain, sadness and trials of infertility. The helplessness, and grieving of a do it or die hysterectomy. We tried adoption with no success. We tried everything legal. The rest of the year I'll have myself convinced once again that I have no regrets.
Liar! Liar! your pants are on fire!
I will never be a mother. Nobody will ever call me Mom. I will never be anyone’s Nana or Gigi. No one will ever feel obligated visit me today in the care center. So I don't do Mother's Day. I wallow. That's how I choose to deal with it.
Poor poor pittiful me.

Wigging Out

Stole this from my friend Callie.

"Family are like underpants!!!! Some crawl up your butt, some get a little sideways, some are your favorite, some are holy, some are cheap and just plain nasty, and some actually cover your butt when you need 'em too!"

I am so grateful to my friends and family this week. I’ve only got about 15 more hours to sweat thru and then I’ll find out what the results are from my squish test and the follow up digital scan I had to have last week.

I call and they get me laughing and take my mind of of things. Patty even offered to put me to work helping her pack up her house. I’ve been Miss Debbie Downer all weekend they keep me sane.

Attitude

I was talking to my friend Marrey the other day about attitude. So many people see the glass as half empty, that negative attitude is so counter productive. I try hard not to worry and obsess over things I don’t have the skills or knowledge to change. I try not to worry or stress about things but sometimes life sneaks up on me.

A long time ago the Frog and I read a book on Adversity. The main theme was we NEED Adversity in our lives to help us stretch and grow. Last week at General Conference  there were a lot of references to how important attitude is in facing our trials. Then I read this.

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than success, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, gift, or skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes. "
~ Charles Swindoll

Here’s to Attitude. Keep those thumbs and spirits up!!

True 100 Years Ago

"In the first place we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in
good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be
treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to
discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin.
But this is predicated upon the man's becoming in very fact an American, and
nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man
who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all.
We have room for but one flag, the American flag, and this excludes the red
flag, which symbolizes all wars against liberty and civilization, just as much
as it excludes any foreign flag of a nation to which we are hostile...We have
room for but one language here, and that is the English language...and we
have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."
Theodore Roosevelt 1907

I’ve been reading a lot the last few days and I find it really curious this was so long ago and yet addresses some very real issues going on now.

I found a number of other quotes along the same theme. One of those is from a speech he gave in 1915

”There is no room in this country for hyphenated Americanism. The one absolutely certain way of bringing this nation to ruin, of preventing all
possibility of its continuing to be a nation at all, would be to permit it to become a tangle of squabbling nationalities .”                                                 

— Theodore Roosevelt, speech before the Knights of Columbus, 1915, New York

He also said that any immigrant to America who doesn’t learn the language in five years ought to be sent home. Which is hysterically funny to me, because while I was reading that I was waiting on a prescription at the hospital pharmacy. About every 3rd page there was repeated in Spanish.

I am an Idiot!

I am the stupidest person in my life. Lucy was acting like a crazy after the Budha baby left so I asked her if she wanted to go for a ride in the car. Went out to the garage, got in, buckled up, turned the key, put it in gear and stepped on the gas. Then we heard a horrible sound.....it was like fingernails on a blackboard, only really loud with someone squealing. Let's just say Melissa Leo was not the only one who dropped an "F bomb" this week.
I forgot to hit the button to open the garage door!!! It's all broken and bulging out. Right. Like the neighbours aren't going to see it and know exactly what happened. The whole world now has proof positive of what an idiot I am. Plus it will not close all the way. Who knows what types of critters will take it as an open invitation to set up housekeeping. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!