This Song

Been listening to this song so much lately.
I read a long time ago that "Singing is like Praying twice"  This is the answer to the prayer.

Hold On by Michael McLean


The message of this moment is so clear

And as certain as the rising of the sun
When your world is filled with darkness, doubt or fear
Just hold on, hold on
The light will come

Everyone who’s ever tried and failed
Stands much taller when the victory’s won
And those who’ve been in darkness for awhile
Kneel much longer when
The light has come

It’s a message everyone of us must learn
That the answers never come without a fight
And when it seems you’ve struggled far too long
Just hold on, hold on
There will be light

Hold on, hold on, the light will come
Hold on, hold on, the light will come

If you feel trapped inside a never ending night
If you’ve forgotten how it feels to feel the light
If you’re half crazy thinking you’re the only one
Who’s afraid the light will never really come
Just hold on, hold on the light will come

The message of this moment is so clear
And as certain as the rising of the sun
When your world is filled with darkness, doubt or fear
Just hold on, hold on the light will come

Another Tough Day

I keep telling myself it's okay to feel like you are feeling. Sometimes you just need to allow yourself to feel sad without feeling guilty about it. So I'll call my mom and my MIL to wish them a Happy Mother's Day then I plan on wallowing in self pity for pretty much the rest of the day.
Just like I've done every Mother's Day since 1980.
I do really well the other 364 days of the year but this is the day that I deal with the disappointment, pain, sadness and trials of infertility. The helplessness, and grieving of a do it or die hysterectomy. We tried adoption with no success. We tried everything legal. The rest of the year I'll have myself convinced once again that I have no regrets.
Liar! Liar! your pants are on fire!
I will never be a mother. Nobody will ever call me Mom. I will never be anyone’s Nana or Gigi. No one will ever feel obligated visit me today in the care center. So I don't do Mother's Day. I wallow. That's how I choose to deal with it.
Poor poor pittiful me.