I hate my Hands!!!

I took my nails off a few weeks ago after literally having them on for the better part of the last 6 years. I just can’t justify the expense anymore. I did learn enough to do my own for special occasions even though the right hand never really looks right.

Now I’m willing to bite the bullet somewhere else in the budget to work my long nails back in. I can’t spell worth crap while I’m typing. They get even a tiny bit of white showing and it rips and tears, usually in layers. It’s painful and absolutely butt ugly!

I’ve tried to keep them painted but even that is looking pretty hacked after a day or two. Nothing seems to stick very long and even a clear coat peels off.

I Got Hit by A Car

A few days ago I was hit by a car. Right in the head. It left a pretty funky goose egg and had a lovely little coresponding bruise to go with it. Next time an angry toddler decides to have a tantrum I need to make sure no Hot Wheels are within throwing range.  I had a matched set of bumps on my head foe awhile.
My Budha Baby is growing up. he's walking all over and now tries to bolt and run when ever a door is opened. Maree said he almost made it 1/2 way here before she caught up with him the other day.
So are my nephews.
Both Gray and Emil had Birthdays in the last couple of weeks. Emil turned four and Gray turned 3. Jakob turned 1 the end of January and Seth did at the end of April.
I got to talk to Gray on his Bday he wanted a digger truck and was pretty excited to get it. He's really cute when he talks on the phone. He gets excited and talks so fast about every other word is all that I can understand. Those are mostly guesses too. But he is so funny!

This Song

Been listening to this song so much lately.
I read a long time ago that "Singing is like Praying twice"  This is the answer to the prayer.

Hold On by Michael McLean


The message of this moment is so clear

And as certain as the rising of the sun
When your world is filled with darkness, doubt or fear
Just hold on, hold on
The light will come

Everyone who’s ever tried and failed
Stands much taller when the victory’s won
And those who’ve been in darkness for awhile
Kneel much longer when
The light has come

It’s a message everyone of us must learn
That the answers never come without a fight
And when it seems you’ve struggled far too long
Just hold on, hold on
There will be light

Hold on, hold on, the light will come
Hold on, hold on, the light will come

If you feel trapped inside a never ending night
If you’ve forgotten how it feels to feel the light
If you’re half crazy thinking you’re the only one
Who’s afraid the light will never really come
Just hold on, hold on the light will come

The message of this moment is so clear
And as certain as the rising of the sun
When your world is filled with darkness, doubt or fear
Just hold on, hold on the light will come

Another Tough Day

I keep telling myself it's okay to feel like you are feeling. Sometimes you just need to allow yourself to feel sad without feeling guilty about it. So I'll call my mom and my MIL to wish them a Happy Mother's Day then I plan on wallowing in self pity for pretty much the rest of the day.
Just like I've done every Mother's Day since 1980.
I do really well the other 364 days of the year but this is the day that I deal with the disappointment, pain, sadness and trials of infertility. The helplessness, and grieving of a do it or die hysterectomy. We tried adoption with no success. We tried everything legal. The rest of the year I'll have myself convinced once again that I have no regrets.
Liar! Liar! your pants are on fire!
I will never be a mother. Nobody will ever call me Mom. I will never be anyone’s Nana or Gigi. No one will ever feel obligated visit me today in the care center. So I don't do Mother's Day. I wallow. That's how I choose to deal with it.
Poor poor pittiful me.

Wigging Out

Stole this from my friend Callie.

"Family are like underpants!!!! Some crawl up your butt, some get a little sideways, some are your favorite, some are holy, some are cheap and just plain nasty, and some actually cover your butt when you need 'em too!"

I am so grateful to my friends and family this week. I’ve only got about 15 more hours to sweat thru and then I’ll find out what the results are from my squish test and the follow up digital scan I had to have last week.

I call and they get me laughing and take my mind of of things. Patty even offered to put me to work helping her pack up her house. I’ve been Miss Debbie Downer all weekend they keep me sane.

Attitude

I was talking to my friend Marrey the other day about attitude. So many people see the glass as half empty, that negative attitude is so counter productive. I try hard not to worry and obsess over things I don’t have the skills or knowledge to change. I try not to worry or stress about things but sometimes life sneaks up on me.

A long time ago the Frog and I read a book on Adversity. The main theme was we NEED Adversity in our lives to help us stretch and grow. Last week at General Conference  there were a lot of references to how important attitude is in facing our trials. Then I read this.

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than success, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, gift, or skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes. "
~ Charles Swindoll

Here’s to Attitude. Keep those thumbs and spirits up!!